


Happy Bunday

by PhantomEngineer



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-04 08:38:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13360716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhantomEngineer/pseuds/PhantomEngineer
Summary: Sirius's attempt to give Severus a birthday present does not go quite as well as he had hoped. He does not give up, however, and his attempt the following year is a bit more successful.Silly fluff.





	1. First Attempt

**Author's Note:**

> The idea for this fic comes from a conversation with @doodlebat, who also drew a number of pictures for it. I highly recommend them (link also at end of story):  
> https://doodlebat.tumblr.com/post/169634645985/this-fic-owns-a-piece-of-my-soul-sirius-needs-to

Severus woke up slowly, languorously, enjoying the sensation of being able to take his time. It was his birthday, and the first birthday living almost alone. He liked to consider himself as living alone, but Sirius always objected when he said that. The way he saw it, it was the first year of his life when he could do exactly as he wished on his birthday. As a child they had been so entirely unmarked that he hadn’t even known he had one until Lily had asked, and he’d had to go rummage through his parents’ things to locate his birth certificate. At Hogwarts he had had to spend time with classmates that he despised, and for a time the Marauders took pleasure in playing a particularly nasty prank every birthday, though he had never figured out how they had found out when it was. His only suspect was Lily, but she swore she hadn’t been the leak.

He intended to spend the day doing nothing, pleasing no one and ideally entirely alone. For the first time he had the power to do so, and he intended to take great pleasure in exercising that ability.

As he opened his eyes he noticed a shadow lurking in the doorway of his small bedsit. His first thought was that it was Sirius, appeared as he almost always did, mainly because he had a key and for some reason preferred Severus’s company more than anyone else’s. He claimed it was because they were dating and in love, but Severus wasn’t entirely convinced. It didn’t sound particularly realistic in many ways. Not that he was objecting, mind. Just, cautious.

Sirius, however, did not have large rabbit ears. He blinked his eyes blearily, before sitting up in bed. He stared in horror, clutching at his duvet. Before him was a human sized rabbit monster, though after a moment he acknowledged that it could be a human in a rabbit monster costume. That, in many ways, made even less sense than an actual rabbit monster, as he couldn’t think of a single reason why anyone would dress up in something so terrifying and hideous. He had always thought rabbits were pretty cute, but not this one. It was a not particularly nice pastel pink, even taking into account the opinions of people that might like pastel pink. The head was disproportionately large for the body, with bulbous yellow eyes and a toothy smile that reminded Severus of the concept of serial killers in general. He had never before heard of a rabbit monster serial killer, but he was seriously concerned that he might be its first victim.

He slowly reached for his wand, genuinely afraid that he might be about to be murdered on his birthday, which seemed too unfair even for his already deeply miserable existence. The rabbit monster thing took a step towards him and started to sing.

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Severus, happy birthday to you!”

The singing was muffled, to the extent that Severus was initially uncertain why it was that he vaguely recognised the voice. The rabbit waved two giant paws that Severus suspected would haunt his nightmares for the rest of his life, and said, “Happy birthday!”

Severus whipped out his wand and set the creature on fire. There was a startled yelp of pain, and with a few more flicks he ensured that it was only the costume that burnt, falling to a smouldering heap of ash on the floor that Severus knew he would have to clean later on. What remained where the rabbit monster had stood was Sirius. He was entirely naked and had a faintly wounded expression on his face.

“What did you do that for?” he asked, “I got dressed up specially for your birthday!”

“What the fuck? Why the fucking hell would you do that? What? The? Fuck?” Severus asked, his heart rate still jumpy. It was probably the worst awakening he had ever had in his life, and he had a lot of experience of shitty awakenings. He had a lot of shitty life experiences in general.

“I thought you liked bunnies?” Sirius asked, clearly confused why Severus was reacting the same way any sane human being would, “And I heard that muggles had these things called Playboy Bunnies, which are considered sexy so I thought you’d love it. It’s a part of your muggle background so I thought it would be the perfect present…”

“Never give me a present ever again…” Severus pleaded, with little hope.


	2. Second Attempt

Severus had agreed to let Sirius cook for him as a special birthday treat, which he suspected would be a disaster. As far as he knew, Sirius couldn’t cook, so he could only assume they would either be eating take away or he would be dying of some hideous form of food poisoning in the near future. He wouldn’t even put it past Sirius to somehow manage to poison him with take away by just being that bad at cooking that he infected anything he touched. He had no idea why he had said yes, except that he suspected love and the puppy dog eye thing Sirius had done had been to blame. 

Sirius had finally got himself a proper flat, and had therefore spent a significant amount of time trying to persuade Severus to move out of his bedsit. His arguments had mostly involved points such as the impressive amount of mould that covered Severus’s bedsit, which was probably not safe for human habitation, and a wide range of topics that Severus considered to belong under the umbrella concept of love. Severus was considering it. The mould was starting to look worrying. He would admit to no more. At least, not in public.

He knocked on the door that was considerably better made than his was. The neighbours neighbourhood was better too, and the building smelt less of piss. The door opened enthusiastically to reveal Sirius. After a few seconds, Severus reached out his hand, took the doorknob and shut it. He closed his eyes and sighed. The door opened again, with Sirius frowning in confusion on the other side.

“Happy birthday!” he said, with a big grin on his face. Severus looked at his face closely. That part seemed normal. He looked at the rest of Sirius. That part was not. He was wearing a black leotard, that Severus suspected had been designed for a woman. It did not leave much to the imagination. Round his neck was a fake shirt collar, with a bow tie. He was wearing large black rabbit ears.

“Come in,” Sirius said cheerfully, leading him into a flat that had no mould and decent furniture. Severus followed, noting the white rabbit tail attached to his arse and the incredibly high stiletto heels that he was somehow managing to walk in. He had a lot of questions, most of them ‘why?’

In the kitchen, where Severus noted the foil take away containers and deduced from the smell that it was Chinese, Sirius turned back to him and posed with a self satisfied smile.

“I got it right this year!” he said proudly, twirling slightly. Severus had to admit that it was better than a strange monstrous rabbit staring at him while he slept, but he was not entirely convinced how comfortable he felt with Sirius’s resolute determination to dress up as some kind of rabbit for his birthday. If it continued next year it might turn into some kind of tradition, which was something that suggested long term relationships. He wasn’t sure if that was something that he quite felt certain about yet. He was still unsure about a lot of things. He wondered just how much research had gone into this year’s outfit, given the ease with which Sirius sashayed about in his heels. He wondered if there would be some kind of surprise as part of pudding, grateful that his thoughts were hidden from anyone else. The one thing he was fairly certain about was that he would probably prefer Sirius naked rather than dressed as a Playboy Bunny, but that either way he was going to be distracted throughout dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please go check out doodlebat's lovely artwork (it's so good):  
> https://doodlebat.tumblr.com/post/169634645985/this-fic-owns-a-piece-of-my-soul-sirius-needs-to


End file.
